At its core, abuse is when a person intentionally harms (or intends to harm) another person.
What is Abuse?
At the end of the day, abuse is about gaining power and control over another person.
Who Can Be an Abuser?
Almost anyone can be an abuser. We most often hear about men being the perpetrator and women being the one abused, but anyone can be abusive or abused. Every abusive relationship is different except for one common trait: the opportunity for a power dynamic to develop.
A power dynamic does not have to develop into a bad thing, such as a boss providing directions to an employee. Power dynamics become problematic when one person leverages their power to make another person reliant on them. An abuser steals another person’s choice, judgement, self-trust, and independence by putting them into a situation where they feel they can’t leave the abuser.
Athletic Staff & Abuse
Athletic staff are in a unique position of power, trust, and access to children, teens, and young adults. All of who are vulnerable populations due to a multitude of reasons including awareness, maturity, and experience. At competitive & college levels athletes can become even more vulnerable as they become more driven for success and as coaches have greater opportunity for influence and control.
Athletic staff can wield power through:
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A coach is able to withhold their knowledge, resources, connections, and time. All of which can negatively impact an athlete’s immediate and future performance.
This power can be used to manipulate, punish, and force an athlete into behaving how the coach desires.
It can also be used to reinforce behavior that increases an athlete’s reliance on their coach or to promote other behavior that ultimately increases the coach’s power and control over the athlete.
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A coach can have a large impact on an athlete’s finances through providing scholarship, stipend, housing, food, etc. They are also able to use their connections and reputation to influence sponsorships.
Through threats, taking away financial support, or preventing new financial opportunities from coming available, a coach is able to increase their power and control over an athlete’s financial independence.
Conversely, through increasing an athlete’s financial well-being, a coach is able to gain an athlete’s trust and increase the athlete’s reliance on them.
Athletes using sport as a way to access college or to build a more stable future can be even more vulnerable to a coach’s control over their financial well-being. This vulnerability is also increased with many athletes being teenagers or young adults who aren’t yet financially stable.
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Coaches are often the ones determining the times for practice, video review, study hall requirements, team meals, travel schedules, team meetings, and more.
With this power over an athlete’s schedule a coach is able to limit an athlete’s social life, time with family, ability to get a job, take classes, study, and to otherwise build a life outside of sport.
These limitations can increase an athlete’s isolation, decrease the likelihood of someone spotting the red flags of abuse, and increase an athlete’s reliance on their coach due to minimal social support and being unable to separate their identity from the sport.
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Due to the influence a coach can have over an athlete’s success, a coach’s words can carry a lot of power over how an athlete sees themselves.
This can be especially true at the highly competitive and professional levels of sport where many of the coaches have established reputations for success and there is an assumption that what a coach says is fact.
The overarching idea that pain equals improvement also makes it harder to recognize and push back against a coach who is degrading an athlete’s well being. Where outside of sport a harsh coach may be viewed as a person you’d avoid, inside of sport a harsh coach is often praised for their methods and the athlete is the person who needs to “toughen up”.
But by degrading an athlete’s view of themselves and their abilities, a coach can increase an athlete’s reliance on them through creating a belief that the athlete would not succeed without them.
The “toughen up” mentality also decreases the likelihood of an athlete reporting abuse. It can also increase the amount of time an athlete stays with an abusive coach.
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Similar to finances, a coach’s control over resources such as equipment, access to training facilities, and team clothing can allow a coach to punish, reward, manipulate, and force behavior that increases their power and control.
Providing resources like clothing and equipment can also be used as a way for a coach to groom an athlete and increase their trust in the coach.
Along with grooming, providing an athlete with increased access to resources can make it harder for people on the outside to see the red flags of abuse. This is often due to the assumption that a coach’s generosity with material things is an indicator that they are treating the athlete well.
A coach’s perceived generosity to an athlete can also isolate an athlete if their teammates view it as favoritism and become jealous of the athlete.
As an athletic staff person’s control grows, the athlete sees their own power, self-trust, and self-control decline. As this happens, the athletic staff person is able to push the boundaries of their abuse even further.
This doesn’t have to be the narrative. Abusive athletic relationships are preventable.
Identifying the abuse is a huge first step. Once you know the problem, you can work the problem.